Author Topic: Ashes related jokes  (Read 834 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

BelleVueShrew

  • Member
  • ****
  • Posts: 5380
  • Reputation: +13343/-0
Ashes related jokes
« on: January 07, 2011, 01:23:09 PM »
There are literally thousands out there after the total humilation there team has suffered!!  ;D

I was reading the BBC Sport website last night and loads were coming in on the text service. Even the likes of Michael Vaughan were relaying them by the bucketful!!

Post yours here!  8)


Proud Salopian (With a part of the heart in Blackpool)

BelleVueShrew

  • Member
  • ****
  • Posts: 5380
  • Reputation: +13343/-0
Re: Ashes related jokes
« Reply #1 on: January 07, 2011, 01:27:44 PM »
My personal favourites last night were:

What does LBW stand for in Australia? - Lost Battered Walloped  ;D

What does Ryan Harris put in his hands to make sure the next ball almost always takes a wicket? - A bat  :D  ;D



Proud Salopian (With a part of the heart in Blackpool)

BelleVueShrew

  • Member
  • ****
  • Posts: 5380
  • Reputation: +13343/-0
Re: Ashes related jokes
« Reply #2 on: January 07, 2011, 01:30:29 PM »
Some more:

Q. What is the height of optimism?

A. An Australian batsman putting on sunscreen.



Q. What would Jimmy Anderson be if he was Australian?

A. An all rounder.



Q. What is the main function of the Australian coach?

A. To transport the team from the hotel to the ground.



Q. Why don't Australian fielders need pre tour travel injections?

A. Because they never catch anything.



Q. What do you call an Australian with 100 runs against his name?

A. A bowler.



Q. What's the most proficient form of footwork displayed by Ponting?

A. The walk back to the pavilion.



Q. Who has the easiest job in the Australian squad?

A. The guy who removes the red ball marks from the bats.



Q. What do Australian batsmen and drug addicts have in common?

A. Both spend most of their time wondering where their next score will come from.



Q. Why are Australian cricketers cleverer than Houdini?

A. Because they can get out without even trying.




Proud Salopian (With a part of the heart in Blackpool)

BelleVueShrew

  • Member
  • ****
  • Posts: 5380
  • Reputation: +13343/-0
Re: Ashes related jokes
« Reply #3 on: January 07, 2011, 01:34:33 PM »
One of Michael Vaughans last night off the BBC sport site:

Q. What do you call a world class Australian cricketer.

A. Retired  ;D  :D  ;D  :D  ;D  :D  ;D  :D


Proud Salopian (With a part of the heart in Blackpool)

BelleVueShrew

  • Member
  • ****
  • Posts: 5380
  • Reputation: +13343/-0
Re: Ashes related jokes
« Reply #4 on: January 07, 2011, 02:31:59 PM »
And some more (If my wife sees this page she is going to ballastic!!!  ;D  ;D  ;D)


Q. What do you call an Aussie holding a bottle of champagne ?

A. Waiter!


Q.What do you call an Australian with a six inch urn above his head?

A.The England bowling coach.


Q. What do you call an Aussie holding a six inch urn above his head?

A. The England bowling coach!!!!


Proud Salopian (With a part of the heart in Blackpool)

BelleVueShrew

  • Member
  • ****
  • Posts: 5380
  • Reputation: +13343/-0
Re: Ashes related jokes
« Reply #5 on: January 07, 2011, 02:44:19 PM »
A couple more I have just found then it is over to you guys!


What is the difference between Cinderella and the Aussies? Cinderella knew when to leave the ball  ;D


Who spends the most time on the crease of anyone on the Australian cricket team? The person who ironed the cricket whites!!  :D


Proud Salopian (With a part of the heart in Blackpool)

BelleVueShrew

  • Member
  • ****
  • Posts: 5380
  • Reputation: +13343/-0
Re: Ashes related jokes
« Reply #6 on: January 08, 2011, 12:40:13 AM »
Ok all those were nicked.

Thought it only fair to come up with my own effort - instantly recognisable by the fact it is weaker than all those above!!!  ;D

Q. What happens when an Australian bowls a maiden over?

A. He asks her to marry him!!

I'm sure there are far better variants out there than that - but at least I tried.  ;)


Proud Salopian (With a part of the heart in Blackpool)

BelleVueShrew

  • Member
  • ****
  • Posts: 5380
  • Reputation: +13343/-0
Re: Ashes related jokes
« Reply #7 on: January 08, 2011, 01:08:29 AM »
Just read these out to my darling Aussie wife (including owning up to mine  :o) as her double man flu has eased slightly  ;)

Her words were: "That's a bit cruel isn't it?" "It's only a game" "Would you be saying all that if it was the other way round?"

I then reminded her she always tells me she is English when England beat her place of birth.

Bless - I better let it rest there while I am not permanently singing Soprano!!  ;D  :D


Proud Salopian (With a part of the heart in Blackpool)